Complaining feels good, but then nobody likes you

Short story about complaining that is not true, but true

You get cut off in traffic when going to meet a friend for drinks. You complain about it. Your friend empathizes with you and you feel good.

A few days later, at home, you complain to your girlfriend about your boss. She empathizes with you and you feel good.

Next week, you are out eating with friends. You complain about how tired you are. They empathize and you feel good.

But, then

You complain every day about everything.

But you feel nobody wants to listen to you anymore. People tune out. Some even avoid you. You feel lonely and insecure.

You complain even more in a bid to get attention and sympathy. It backfires. You wonder why nobody likes you.

What happened?

Complaining brought pleasure in the form of social validation. By doing it over and over, you trained your unconscious to find reasons to complain to get the reward.

But nobody likes people who complain a lot. They are an emotional (and sometimes practical) burden. Especially as they only want to complain, they don’t want solutions or advice.

So people gave you less validation. Complaining brought validation in the past. So unconsciously you complained more and more in an attempt to get back to your previous levels of validation. Which produced the opposite effect as you became less likeable.

Bonus

Your complain-oriented brain made the rejection of your complaining another reason to complain, instead of trying to find ways to fix it.

Is this you?

Do you complain a lot? Maybe you should stop.

The best solution is to take a 30 day no-complain challenge. Give me a message if complaining is a problem for you. I will tell you the details (it does not involve any money, or signing up to anything).